I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
