Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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