Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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