Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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