So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
