i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
