I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
