Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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