my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
