Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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