what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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