apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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