1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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