you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
