It's just like the Real World with babies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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