I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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