idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
