I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
