Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Randomize
