I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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