You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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