Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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