I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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