Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
