you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
