I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
