There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
