I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
And then he peed in my hair
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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