did you get engaged???
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
