I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
