smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
