i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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