This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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