I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
