you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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