dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
