She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
