She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
