She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
