i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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