just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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