but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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