UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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