Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
