i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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