i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
