I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
