my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
