I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
