whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
