You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
