And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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