dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I fill condoms, not promises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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