My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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